"Behold, your Lord has come to you!"

beloved.

One thing is for sure: I want to go home. With a mixture of being in bed sick/missing the people i love most, its been one of those weeks where I have found myself longing to be with those who know me best. There are MANY days that I am thankful that I struggle with being lonely while away at school. (I can hear my mom say "hard things are good things!") There are many hikes and talks, and much growth that would not have happened with my Savior this semester, had I not been forced to run to His open arms. However, even though I recognize this, I often find myself running to other places searching for love and security. Where can I run to find freedom- from my sin; my longing to be loved; my desire for something secure. These are the questions my heart wants to know.

I am His beloved.

So often, I choose to reject Jesus' tender voice. I run from places where I can be alone with Him. And I find that this is the single most important reason that I choose to forget His truth. When we choose to be alone with God--to talk, listen, or just BE in His presence, we are able to sit and listen to the voice that says, "You. you. you, child. You are my beloved!" This is the place where we are most known-the pretty and the ugly; the place where Jesus touches our core and speaks to the deepest part of our being and says, "i know you perfectly and you are my beloved daughter, you are my beloved son." When we are not claiming that those sweet words belong to us, we cannot walk freely in a world of brokenness. I am certain that many of us, myself included, are not free in the way that Jesus intends. we search. we look. we beg. We want love-someone, somewhere to fill us, and satisfy this longing...but we just don't know where. So we live our lives, begging for affirmation and praise. We are far too proud of our success, hoping that others will notice; and we are far too destroyed by our failures, terrified that others will see our weakness. Our identity is not that "we are His beloved," rather our identity is wrapped up in some person or thing that temporarily fills this void; until we have to move on to find another. This world screams, "Impress me. Show me that you are really worthy of love." In the midst of the crowd yelling out to "crucify him" Jesus chose to listen to the voice of His father. He didn't live on earth to impress, people please, or have his followers "like" him. He already knew that He belonged to His Father; and He knew His father was delighted in him. Unlike Jesus, so often my freedom is not rooted in claiming my belovedness. His voice is always whispering, "you don't have to prove anything, you don't have to search or look or wander. You are already mine."

I love that I am His beloved. I love that He loves His people with a never ending-never giving up love. I love that in a world that is full of people seeking praise, love, and attention, the beautiful thing about being His beloved, is that I am already loved; my worth and value are found in Him. It frees me to stop looking for love in all the wrong places.

It frees me to rest that I am loved deeply.

givin some THANKS.

["Be THANKFUL and tell Him so!" -Psalm 100:4]


1. I am thankful for the sweet FALL WEATHER.
and the hikes and talks with Jesus that just seem to happen because of it!

2. I am thankful for SURPRISES.
My birthday was at the beginning of November and my roommates crashed my room at midnight the night before with blocks of cheese, party hats, and candy. (good things!) The next day, after soccer practice, my roommates were acting very strange and INSISTED that we sit at a particular table far from where we normally eat dinner. It took me FOREVER to catch on, but once I looked up...there was david, dressed up, with flowers in his hand. (I had just seen him the weekend before, so I did NOT expect him to drive back up to my school again slash I thought he was golfing and hanging out with friends from ruf.) I.was.so.surprised. He took me out to dinner and ice cream and gave me such a sweet evening. I smiled the whole night and it was one of my most favorite memories with him so far.

3. I am thankful for my HAMMOCK
talkin with friends is so much more fun when you are swinging between two tress!

4. I am thankful for LETTERS.
I love days when I check my mailbox and find a letter from Annie. These letters are filled with so much and I find them so.special.to.me. Some days Annie tells me what God's been teaching her (always encouraging to hear), some days she tells me how she is struggling, (strugs), and some days her letters are just packed with silly stories. It doesn't matter what they say, they never get old. I keep every single one of them and always look forward to the next bit of encouragement that I find written in her handwriting.

5. I am thankful for CAMPING TRIPS.
Several weeks after my birthday, David, Nicki, Josiah, Taylor, and I packed up and camped at Cloudland Canyon for two nights. We hiked through the beautiful canyon, (I won't mention that the 5 mile hike turned into 8 miles...sometimes its good to get lost) climbed around a waterfall, and spent the evenings cooking, and talking around the campfire. It was such a time of rest and relaxation and I was so thankful for the conversations, laughter, and encouragement that I find in these sweet friends of mine.

6. I am thankful for CHRISTMAS MUSIC
and crafternoons with my roomates.


7. I am thankful for GOD'S LOVE that never gives up on me.
even when i sin. even when i keep messing up. even when i don't love others more than myself.
the love he poured out on the cross
covers me every minute, every second, everyday.

8. I am thankful for my SOCCER TEAM.
We didn't make it to Nationals this year, which was a sad way to end this season.
However, I can't help but Thank the Lord for the time that I have been able to spend with the girls on my team. They are so very wonderful.

9. I am thankful for time at HOME.
There are few things I love more than walks around my neighborhood, sleeping in my own bed, setting up the Christmas tree with my family, laughing with my friends, and eating my momma's cooking.


[For all of this, and so much more, my heart REJOICES in the Lord.]

Praise the Lord, O my soul!

Lately, I find that the Lord keeps taking me back to Psalm 103. I happened to stumble across it the other day and for whatever reason, these words of David seem to be the most beautiful words to my heart. The passage starts off "praise the Lord, O my soul." As I struggle to be satisfied where Gods actually placed me, these simple words of praise are so refreshing. A large chunk of the passage dives right it, talking about God's great love and mercy for his people.

"who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases."
"who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion."
"the Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love."
"He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities."
"For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him."
"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him."

And then it gets to my favorite part: vs 14"for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust." Oh, how I LOVE that the Lord understands me perfectly. In him, I am known. And not only that, He knows my weakness, he recognizes the finiteness of his people, causing him to have great patience and compassion. In a world where we are constantly told to "have it together," I found complete joy when I was reminded that I can't "have it all together." I will NEVER "have it all together." I don't know why I try to convince myself that I must be perfect, that I must hide my imperfections from others, and walk around acting as if I've got this whole "walking with God" thing figured out. The Lord knows me more deeply then even I know myself; for he was there when I was formed and he remembers my weakness and frailty. I love this about Him! And I love that in this, I can recognize that I need love and compassion each day, because I am messy and broken; and I will, forever be making mistakes.

I can't tell you how many times I try to convince myself that I can earn God's love. Of course, that is completely against every bit of theology that I find to be true in His word, but often I still find myself trying to gain my own righteousness. The Lord has been reminding me lately that His grace is not dependent on my obedience. Of course I am called to obey and pursue holiness out of a love for the Lord, but I can't tell you how many times I have dropped at his feet to say "father, I've messed up again." I always expect him to be so dissapointed in me...again. And while, often times he does discipline me out of his love, He always seems to look at me and smile and remind me that I am just dust and I need his saving each day.


The Psalm continues on for several verses, talking about God's everlasting love in a world that will soon fade. And it ends just the way that it began: "Praise the Lord, O my soul."

How could I not praise Him?

ready. set. catchup.

August 25: FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.

August 26: 3C Dress and Go
September 1: David asked me to be his girlfriend. (hehehe i'm being such a GIRL.)
September 4: Nicki and Alyssa came up the mountain!
September 18: surprised the ecpc middle school girls at youth group. (hugs and screaming=fun.)
October 1: My family came up for a visit!

October 5: I scored a GOOOOAAAAL.
October 7: Put on that sassy dress and did my hurrr...went to jazz on the overlook with the roomies.

October 8: Stayed up until 4 a.m. just TALKING with Annie. (and recieved a giant disney picture storybook...never too far.)

October 9: Carved a pumpkin with david. (he let me get out all the goo...i'm thankful for a boy who let's me be messy!)

October 16: BEST cry ever. just got it all out.
October 17: The leaves are REALLY starting to change...beautiful!

the lord is my shepherd, i shall not want.

Well. summer's officially over, I've said my goodbyes to my sweet friends in Marietta, and embraced and reunited with long lost covenant friends. I'm back up on this beautiful mountain, survived soccer pre-season, and classes began last week. I'm back on 3C in room 358 with my three wonderful roomates: Aften, Grace, and Rachael. We've managed to make our dorm a home and I'm really enjoying living with these three ladies. I'm loving intro to teaching and youth ministry, and really looking forward to getting reconnected with my junior high girls at Lookout Mountain Pres.

As much as I love it here, I want so badly to be in other places. I've never been one to enjoy school much and my anxious heart tends to find the school year a difficult time to trust Jesus. Here I am, coming back from such a challenging but wonderful summer--one in which I saw the Lord work in beautiful ways, beyond what I could ask or imagine. A month later, and I still find myself spending many days wishing I was in Marietta with the little girls (and annie, duh.) or missing my sweet friends and family in Florida. Looking back over this summer, I struggle to see what the Lord could possibly have for me here. (but then again, He does have a tendency to surprise me!) Being the ungrateful sinner that I am, so often, I find that I am simply unsatisfied in the places that the Lord puts me. I catch myself everyday wishing I was somewhere else, missing someone new, and making up my mind that my plans are better than His.

This constant wishing to be places I am not, is without a doubt, a sure sign of my longing for heaven. And for the time that I am on earth, it is evidence of my unwillingness to be satisfied by my creator. Again and again, the Lord has been taking me back to Psalm 23 "The lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." OH BUT THIS GIRL WANTS. I want to be somewhere else. I feel like school is pointless, I long for my friendships back at home, I struggle to understand my purpose here, its difficult to love. but the most beautiful thing, is that I don't have to want. Jesus tells me that I don't need to want. I wasn't created to want. why? Because of that simple truth: HE is my shepherd; because he promise that he will satisfy my deepest longings, he will feed my hunger, he will give me rest and he will put me in places that he knows are good.

i am trusting.

sister. lady. neighbor. friend.

I drove home from Marietta on Monday and BROUGHT sweet Annie with me.
We had such a fun time in Florida-being silly, dancing in the kitchen, watching movies, splashing around at the beach, baking, talking, and wrapping up all our sweet summer memories together.
I have loved living with Annie this summer-from hikes to the waterfall, late bake nights, or serious talks, she's become one 0f my closest friends.
I've never met anyone who understands me so well, shares so many of my interests, and sees the world the same way that I do.
I love every single second that I spend with her.
Annie will never know what a big encouragement she has been to me this summer--from pushing me to love the little girls, reminding me to take a rest, leaving Bible verses on the mirror, and spending my days off with me.
I see so much of Jesus in Annie: she's so intentional with others, constantly looking for ways to put them above herself. I've watched Annie loose two grandparents this summer and faithfully trust her Father through it all. She is so full of life, with a joy from knowing Jesus. She is hard working, always smiling, and constantly dancing around, making others laugh.
I've grown to love so many things about her: her obsession with country music and baking, her love for people, and her giant smile.
Annie is two years younger than me, but I look up to her in so many ways.
I want to be just like her when I grow up.
Yesterday we prayed for each other before she left and I was reminded that THIS is how God intended us to love, encourage, and bare with one another.
I'm excited about heaven with this lady.

goodbye logan circle.

I love marrietta. I love everything about it. I love that Target is 3 minutes away from me. i love that I live in a house with red shutters. I love that annie lives one room away from me. i love that i can walk right in the Norman's front door. i love that if you know Roswell road and Johnson ferry you are golden. i love that i can sit in my brother's office and talk with him. i love that if you drive til Roswell road ends you hit a waterfall. and i love the people.

This has been such a hard goodbye. It's so diffiucult to walk with these girls, love on them, and be loved in return-and then just leave. I've been so blessed by their sweet smiles and friendship this summer...call me crazy, but i think junior high girls are the greatest. oh but they are! They are so full of life and potential. So many people, today, think so little of students as if they aren't real people until they are 25 and married with a "real" job. but have they spend any time with them? Listen to their voices, grow with them, walk with them--and I think you'll find you can learn a lot from a seventh grader. I love that about them. Not only do they constantly keep me entertained, but I am constantly learning WITH them. I am so thankful for that. They are such a beautiful picture of God's great love for His people, each with their own quirks, giggles, talents, and personalities.

I can't believe that August 1 has arrived. (a day that I pretended would never come.) I don't really know what it looks like from here. How do I love them and then leave? How do I build relationships and then just let them end? How do I get a peek into their lives-their likes and dislikes, their joys and pains, their strengths and weaknesses and then just jump out? It is for this reason that I am so grateful that "Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forevermore." Hebrews 13:8. This summer is just a small picture of God's great plans for these girls and while I step out of their lives, I'm thankful that their faithful Father will remain the same. It is for this reason that I am thankful that I'm not the one who changes hearts and watches over these girls; the Lord is their keeper and I can rest assured that he will be their shepherd.

This summer couldn't have gone any better. The Lord constantly showed me His faithfulness through His people. I remember arriving in May, fearful of my relationships with the other interns, the family I would live with, and the students. I thought that this would be such a lonely summer. God has a tendency to surprise me. I learned so much this summer and I'm so thankful for the Lord's great power through my many weaknesses and inadequacies. During the last Junior high life an old song by Steven Curtis Chapman (ahh such road trip memories with my family growing up.) came on and the words seemed to fit perfectly as I stand in awe, speechless of God's great power this summer. i am so thankful.

We are speechless so amazed
We stand in awe of your grace
We stand in awe of your mercy
We stand in awe of your love
We are speechless

We are speechless in your presence now
We stand in awe of your cross
We're astounded as we consider how
We stand in awe of your power
You have shown us
A love that leaves us speechless
We are speechless

a little imagination.

Everyday, i meet more and more people who don't seem to have an imagination anymore. terrifying, i know. Throughout this summer, the interns, several highschool students, several junior high girls and myself have not only imagined, but also created a family. It has continued to grow week after week, as we added more poeple and decided where they fit into the picture. Yesterday we decided to meet at East Cobb Park to take pictures of our "imaginary family," before the interns separated, the high schoool girls went off to college, and the little girls started school again. We arrived at five, dressed in jeans on the bottom and white on top. What are the odds that all of us would be able to make it to the park at the same time? i don't know, but we had such a fun time being together, pretending to be a family, playing in the park, and making fun of America's obsession with family photos.
once again, annie and i found ourselves far too easily satisfied. but then again, a little imagination never hurt anybody!

making sense of things.

Tonight, we had our second to last pancake bible study of the summer. i set up weekly Bible studies on Thursday nights at the blass' throughout the summer-because I knew if I didn't, I would let the summer slip by without setting aside time for the important stuff. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about fun and games, but I realize that sharing Jesus with these girls is a MUST and the main reason I'm here. Sure, I want to show them Jesus with my actions-by being with them, loving them, helping them, and walking with them, but I didn't want the summer to fly by without actually talking with them about the Lord. My goal for this time (other than improving on my pancake making skills!) was encouraging one another, learning pieces of God's word, and praying together. SIMPLE. but oh so good. I decided to teach each week out of the book "wired for worship," a book that I really enjoyed when I was in middle school. Each week, I prepared a short talk, about fifteen minutes, and then we took time to pray with one another. Some weeks, I felt that we accomplished nothing of eternal value, while other weeks, I started to believe we were finally getting somewhere. Tonight was one of the most encouraging nights of the whole summer for me. The wheels started turning; the pieces started fitting; they got it. Tonight the girls were quick to answer my questions, begging to share, and spitting out the God's truth..."oh! so THAT'S what you meant the first week when you said if we are rooted in Jesus, our lives will reflect His charter. oh, now I get it, anything I do can be an act of worship to God! So what your saying is that, I was made to worship God, but I worship other things instead...that's why I'm never satisfied!" yes. yes. yes!!

I'll admit, Thursday comes each week, and without fail, I am scrambling to get the lesson together. This week especially. It reminds me of a passage I read in 1 Corinthians last week. Paul is writing to the Corinthian church about Christ's power working through His weakness: "For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel—not with wisdom and eloquence, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power...And so it was with me, brothers and sisters. When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power." 1 Corinthians 2:1-5

I don't have the fancy words, the perfect illustrations.
i struggle to be bold with these girls.
i feel inadequate. I see my shortcomings.
I have come here in weakness.
but the cross is powerful and His word is living.
God is at work in these girl's lives.
and it's exciting to see.

moo

I am not a cow. and I hope I never am. But since Annie and I can never pass up a good excuse to dress up, we decided that dressing up for cow appretiation day at Chik-fil-a was a MUST. (in case you haven't caught on, we are far too easily pleased.) I write about this, not only because dressing up like a cow in FUN, but also because the Lord has been so faithful to me this summer, by providing a group of friends my age that I can spend time with on my days off/ when I need a break. Although most of my time is spent with the little girls ( which i love!) it's been such a blessing-needed and refreshing to have these people in my life for the summer.

to all the cows in the world: we appretiate you.

stone mountain.

Last wednesday, the junior high and high school youth group ( and their families) drove out to Stone Mountain Park in Atlanta. We arrived early evening, set out blankets, threw the football, ate our packed dinners, and enjoyed one another's company. You know that perfect feeling when the sun is setting, your sweating like a crazy person, and your running barefoot on soft grass? One word: SUMMER. A large group of us made the adventurous hike up the mountain, and let me tell you, it was quite a struggle for Annie and I. but with a camera in hand and our singing voices ready, we had a blast climbing. The view at the top was beautiful and oh so worth it. We stayed for the fireworks and laser light show and little Eliza ( a little sister of one of my students.) climbed onto my lap and dripped blue popsicle juice all over my leg. I enjoyed every second of it. i love the people here.

THE EDGE.

A few weeks ago, we took our middle school students to The Edge Conference at Covenant. Not only is covenant very dear to my heart, but I've served at The Edge the past three years, and fell in love, so it is also one of my most favorite places in the WORLD. The week was packed: worship and talks morning and night, tournaments and water wars during the day, and dance parties and dark games at night. I went into the edge thinking "oh, I'm strong, I'm ready to lead my girls, this will be a great week of growth for them." God shook my plans, BIG TIME. (haha, surprise!) It was one of those times where the devil hit me at my weakest, most vunerable points, where I was emotionally and physically weak, and where God had things He wanted to say to me." I waded through so much personally with the Lord during that week and after, and learned a lot about ministry as well. I was reminded that it's not me that loves and keeps students, it's the Lord; and in my weakness, He showed me just that. I was reminded that I don't change hearts, God does. and I was reminded that God wants to work IN me, even as He works THROUGH me.

you are for me.

A year ago today marks the first day of this very hard year. For this reason, yesterday I got in my car, drove 'til Roswell Rd ends, parked my car, and hiked to a waterfall. alone. I sat at the waterfall (i looked like the biggest weirdo...am i proud of it? hmm, maybe.) with my bible and journal in hand. Two hours FLEW by before I even looked at my watch and realized I needed to go home. During those two hours I read. i prayed. i thought. i cried. I can't believe a year has gone by since ben and I broke up and I can't even begin to realize all the different ways that the breakup spilled over and effected different areas of my life and opened my eyes to other broken areas that I didn't want to admit. It's hard to say, but even a year later, i feel that the Lord is still stripping, ripping, breaking...rebuilding, restoring, rescuing. I look back over this year and I see that I am still learning that HIS timing is best. but above all else, I know that my father is fighting for me; not against me.

The night before I went to the waterfall, I was thinking over the past year. I pulled out my journal and this is what I wrote:


I cannot be moved. you are my hope. so faithful. always pursuing; always loving me. you give me hope for the future. I am broken...but you heal me each day. redeemer. restorer. rescuer. powerful. mighty. strong. always holding me close to your heart. my name is written on your hands. you understand my pain; you get my every move. so consistant. you protect me. you break down, tear apart, claw through...to make me more like you. I am loved; with an everlasting love. you promise to rebuild me; you promise i will be filled with joy again. you hear my cry for help. you protect me. you hold me close. you work for my good. you have saved me; and you can do it again. i am weak...but you are strong. your love never fails; your love is perfect. you are patient. you are for me. you are gentle and vicious. you love me deeplu. you have not left me. you wisper truth. so constant. you show me love. even when i run; you chase me. you never let go of me. you came down to show me love. you do not change, you cann't be shaken. you make me brave and strong. you see the depths of my heart ( and still love me!). you love me...that's why you say no. you are my shepherd; you know me more than anyone else. father. king. best friend. you will fulfill your purpose for my life. you are close when i am hurting. you are my peace and joy. you are my hiding place. you remind me of your promises. you teach me to love and forgive; and be forgiven. you know what I need most. you fill me up. you know weaknesses. you give me much to be thankful for. you are my hope and defense. you fight the battle for me.

these are the things that God has taught me about himself this year.
HOW BEAUTIFUL.
can i get an amen?

it isn't fun until it's MESSY.

On Monday, Charissa (the high school girl's summer intern) and I got several junior high and high school girls together to TYE DYE t-shirts. We had such a fun afternoon together and I though I'd share some of the sweet faces and smiles that I am growing to love so much.

Some of the girls and their t-shirts, ready for some COLOR. messy hands are MANDATORY.

Charissa (far right) and I (third on the left) with our girls!

week two with annie: strawberries!

okay, so we've baked a little here, a little there throughout the past month. but annie and i FINALLY were able to fit in our second week of baking last Saturday night. I had been looking forward to this night the whole week before. Annie and I were actually calm for once and enjoyed a nice long four hours together singing to Chris Rice hymns, stylin our aprons, talking and laughing. Caleb showed up half way through (the junior high boys summer intern) and we enjoyed his company as well. He's a pro in the kitchen.

The theme: STRAWBERRIES.

Our first project of the night was: Chocolate Velvet Strawberry Cupcakes.
After gathering and mixing together all the ingredients, Annie and I tasted the batter.
and let me tell you, I have NEVER tasted cupcake batter as good as this.
ever, in my ENTIRE life.
i think its safe to say that Annie and I enjoyed licking that bowl.
after all, its not baking until you've licked the bowl.
After baking the cupcakes, we made the strawberry cream cheese frosting.
It took a while to get it to be the right substance.
but it was oh-so-good.


Our second project of the night was: Strawberry Lemonade.
All it took was some lemonade, and strawberries and ohhh baby was it good.
I've never boiled strawberries in a pot of lemonade before...
but once everything was mixed together,
we had the perfect strawberry drink to go with our cupcakes.


Our third project of the night was: strawberry yogurt covered pretzels.
which failed miserably.
we still had fun.

you are worth more than many sparrows.

Last week, I was the only youth staff member in town; the other five were on a high school retreat at the beach. So, while the others were gone, I went to and helped out at a four day workshop at the church for girls ages 8-12. The camp was called project authentic beauty.
It was a hands-on camp, founded in Scripture, teaching girls about their worth and value, their bodies and being comfortable in their skin, ways they can express their beauty in godly ways, how to honor God with their bodies, and what it means to be brave in the Lord. __________________________________________________

day one: Authentic beauty: talking to the girls about what God says about beauty, worth, and value. What does authentic beauty look like and what does it mean to be brave in the Lord? Bravery verse one: "So God created mankind IN HIS OWN IMAGE, in the image of God He created them; male and female, He created them." Genesis 1:27

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day two: Authentic health: talking to girls about how our body is a temple of the Lord which means He dwells IN US. As a result, one of the ways that we can honor, respect, and glorify God most, is by taking care of what He has blessed us with. We focussed on two aspects of this: exercising right and eating heathy. We showed them fun ways to get their heart pumping and blood flowing and discussed the dangers of over eating and under eating. We even ate chocolate together...which was of course my favorite part! bravery verse two: "Do you not know that your body is a TEMPLE of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whome you have recieved from God? You are not your ownl YOU WERE BOUGHT AT A PRICE. Therefore honor God with your body."

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day three: Authentic awareness: helping the girls understand the different ways that the media targets them; teaching them that what the world world tells them is completely opposite of the sweet promises the Lord wispers to them in His Word. bravery verse three: "See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the principles of this world rather than on Christ." -Colossionas 2:8 www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U ___________________________________________________

day four: authentic voice: teaching the girls that they have a choice-to trust the truths of Scripture or the lies of the world. To make this stick, we rolled out a giant laminated piece of paper that said "i am beautiful." We got out the markers and started writing the lies that we believe,over the roll of paper. I saw girls write things like "I am ugly, boys don't like me, i am unloved, i wish i was pretty, i'm not cute, does God still love me?" heartbreaking, i know. but it was such a picture of the lies we choose to believe. When we were finished, we hung the paper on the wall and the girls were given water balloons. As they each took turns throwing their balloons at the poster they yelled things like "I am made in his image! I am wonderfully made, I am beautiful, I have worth!" As they shouted God's truths, the marks and ugly words wiped right off with the splash of their water. bravery verse four: I praise you because I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

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You might be wondering why we looked at passages each day and called them bravery verses. One of the main themes of the camp was the idea that to trust God's Words about beauty, worth and value is an act of bravery. Why? Because it means that we are going against the flow; it means we are standing against the lies that the world screams; it means we are being confident in the Lord; it means we can be satisfied with the way that God has made us; it means We have to be brave. but we can be. For He tells us, "do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows..."

The best part? I'm still learning all of this as they are learning.

more faithful than the morning.

God's been reminding me lately that He is faithful.
if you're like me, you're quick to forget.

and He is quick to remind you!
I love that about Him, you know?
I am unfaithful.
that's FOR SURE.
But He is always faithful.

I wrote in my journal late last week ( i know, i blog, i journal...what am i like 80?)
about what I am most thankful for right now.
and you know what I wrote about?
I wrote about His faithfulness; that he is more faithful than the morning.
I've never really stopped to think about what that actually means.
Every night. I go to sleep. and as I lay my head on my pillow,

i never wonder,
"hmmm, i wonder if morning will come tomorrow? Will the sun rise?"
(in fact I'm usually dreading that loud alarm and sun beaming through my windows!)
But without a doubt,
the sun rises.
and the morning comes.
without fail.

It is like that with our Heavenly Father.
I know that tomorrow,
i will wake up
and
the morning will have come.
and He will continue to be faithful.

THIS, i love.

i think i love crafts a little too much.

Karen showed me how to make this bracelet while I was home for the weekend. and I JUST HAD to share the idea! It's just rolled up magazine strips, harden with a water-glue mixture, and strung on hemp!


Like I said. I love crafts a little too much.
but i think i'm okay with that.

summer projects with annie.

If you know me, you know I can't bake. like AT ALL.

oh. but my new sister, friend, neighbor, twin, CAN!

Annie and I have made a new goal for the summer:

make a different kind of cupcake each week.

Annie and I make a great team. She is such a sweet friend to me and I'm thankful for her.
We've only accomplished one week thus far, but I'm excited to bake with her this summer. I SO enjoy the sweet sweet time I spend with her in the kitchen!

WEEK ONE: RED VELVET CUPCAKES WITH HOMEMADE ICING.

dear refuge of my weary soul.

I know it's been a few weeks since i last posted...let me tell you, i am having SUCH A GREAT TIME, but I am exausted. This past week I've been feeling a little emotionally and physically drained, as well as spiritually dry. This song came on my ipod a few days ago...i love the lyrics and I love that Jesus invites us-in fact, LONGS for us-to come to Him. He invites us to come to Him saying "i'm weak. i'm tired. i'm worn down." After a week or so of tired faith, for this, I am thankful.

you can listen here.
http://www.4shared.com/audio/Pb9moMMG/17_Dear_Refuge_Of_My_Weary_Sou.html

Dear refuge of my weary soul,
On Thee, when sorrows rise
On Thee, when waves of trouble roll,
My fainting hope relies
To Thee I tell each rising grief,
For Thou alone canst heal
Thy Word can bring a sweet relief,
For every pain I feel

But oh! When gloomy doubts prevail,
I fear to call Thee mine
The springs of comfort seem to fail,
And all my hopes decline
Yet gracious God, where shall I flee?
Thou art my only trust
And still my soul would cleave to Thee
Though prostrate in the dust

Hast Thou not bid me seek Thy face,
And shall I seek in vain?
And can the ear of sovereign grace,
Be deaf when I complain?
No still the ear of sovereign grace,
Attends the mourner’s prayer
Oh may I ever find access,
To breathe my sorrows there

Thy mercy seat is open still,
Here let my soul retreat
With humble hope attend
Thy will, And wait beneath
Thy feet,Thy mercy seat is open still,
Here let my soul retreat
With humble hope attend Thy will,
And wait beneath Thy feet

my boxes have landed. WEEK ONE.

well. my boxes have landed in Atlanta and I'm here, and getting settled in! (oh, long story short, on the way to the airport, we got a flat tire. In normal Wilkening fashion, we were of course running late and it soon became obvious that i was going to miss my flight. Well not so fast! A friendly police man stopped by, offered to give us a ride to the aiport, and drove off with my mom and I in the back cage of his police car...you know, like where the criminals sit, pretty cool, huh? ) and i am getting to know names and faces! and let me tell you...

i. am. loving. it. I can't believe it's finally here. I have dreamt of being a summer intern FOR YEARS. I'm so thankful and thrilled that God has allowed this door to open and provided me this job for the summer.

i'm loving my temporary home. The family i'm living with (the blass family) are just the sweetest. They remind me so much of my family-happy, busy, and loving. I'm enjoying having a sister for the summer (annie, who just finished her junior year of highschool.) and their house is a cute two story home with a red door on a little hill in a quiet neighborhood. i know, adorable.

i'm loving the staff at ECPC. The other three interns (caleb, charissa, and kirsten) are SO MUCH FUN. I've enjoyed getting to know them this week and have laughed many times throughout the past few days. i'm so thankful that the Lord has allowed us all to bond so quickly and i look forward to getting closer with each of them throughout the summer.

i'm loving the students. you know how when you get to a new place you feel all unsettled? maybe a little nervous? afraid to meet people? well that feeling quickly left me on my second day here, when i sat down at a table of about seven middle school girls. After introducing myself, i was greeted by a excited, chipper seventh grader who said "my name is McCall! ya, know like a BIRD!" i knew i would like it here. i really just love students.

i'm loving what God is teaching me. this whole week, one passage has continually been in my head. It's in Exodus 14 when Moses is leading the Israelites out of the desert, and God's people are fearful of the Egyptians who are chasing after them. Moses tells the Israelites, "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Those words constantly rang through my head during various times this week. so simple. so beautiful. so needed. such a great reminder that this summer will be a battle; yet it is the Lord's battle and He will fight for me. during our intern training day, we began the morning by studying Joshua 5 and 6. A familiar passage, but a great reminder. i'm so quick to think that I need to gear up, work extra hard, and get ready to change student's hearts this summer. silly me. Of course i'm called to work hard, do my best, and make the most of every opportunity, but if i fight in my own power, i'm sure to loose the battle. I don't change hearts, Jesus does. I can't love students in my own strength. It isn't me that can win the battle it's Him. Jesus wants my faithfulness. and sometimes that means hitting the floor and doing THE EXACT OPPOSITE of what I feel like I should be doing... remembering to depend on Him. I can picture myself looking up at God and saying "you want me to march around Jerico and blow a trumpet? you. have. to. be. kidding. me. C'mon, God think of something better!" or "okay, God, so you're commanding me to tell the israelites that all they have to do is be still? God, I can't tell them that, they want to RUN." I really admire Moses and Joshua's obedience in the Lord-recognizing their desperate need for Him and depending on Him for every single breath.

On Wednesday night, I gave my testimony at highschool youth group. I hate public speaking, in fact, it's my least favorite thing about youth ministry. But as I prepared beforehand and spoke, I couldn't help but be excited about the ways that God has brought me to himself. I was reminded that this isn't about me; it's about God and what He has done in the lives of his people throughout history. and that's something worth being excited about. As a celebrate the ways that God has worked in my life in the past, it is my prayer that this summer, I would learn to wait on Him and BE STILL as He fights the battle.

i'm a little overwhelmed and worn out from meeting students, remembering names, and getting used to a new place; this summer is going to be crazy and busy, more so than i expected--but i am so thankful to be here and dive right in. And I have greatly enjoyed the ways that God has reminded me his faithfulness through His Word, my fellow interns, and East Cobb students. This is gonna be a great summer.

the day has come!

okay. i gave in and did it.
the day has come.
I bought chacos.
dear summer, you may officially begin!
HAPPY MAY, my friends!

missing that mountain already...

okay, so i thought i should forewarn you, but i'm assuming this post may be be pretty sappy. Sorry, i'm in a sappy mood, so that's whatcha get. you've been warned.

well, i am back home and summer has begun. confused? oh, let me explain! Approximately, 12 hours after my last post, I woke up to sirens. yes, sirens. It took this Florida girl a good five minutes to figure out what the heck the loud wailing was. After I realized it was tornado sirens, I woke up my roomate and packed my "important emergency items," as Aften and I call it! (ya know, pictures, notes, and journals...the special things!) and headed down to the basement for the first of what turned out to be five trips down to the basement throughout the day. Thanking God for the safety that we had and praying for those grieving over lost loved ones.

The next day, we had an all-campus meeting. We were told that the school would be closing down a week early due to lack of water in the county. We were asked to pack up, say goodbye, and evacuate campus within the next 24 hours. Let me tell you, the mad dash began as 1200 students frantically began packing up our belongings, loading our cars, calling our parents, and saying our goodbyes. After running up and down the stairs with many, many, many large boxes, I have resolved to take less to school next semester!

My mom and Karen drove up and arrived at school the next day around 1, we loaded the car, and I began my goodbyes. As I hugged sweet friends, I was reminded how thankful I am for them...some I'll see over the summer, some I'll see next semester, and some I may never see again. Oh, i can't wait for Heaven...this separation thing STINKS.

I arrived home late last night, emotionally and physically exhausted and took my first shower in three days. I sat in bed and thought "okay, now what?" I sat and thought about this past year and all I could pray was "thank you, Lord, for being faithful." and that is the truth of it all. As I look over this year, I see times of joy and times of struggle; i see growth and change; and as i switch gears again so abruptly, i recognize God's faithfulness to me. I am thankful that it's hard to say goodbye, because it means I've been blessed with people I love. and i'm thankful that i'm missing that mountain already, because it means its become home.

operation freshman year is complete. As life constantly continues to change, as i constantly move from place to place, and always find myself missing people i love, i am thankful that the Lord is the same yesterday, today, and forevermore! He has been faithful.

I can't wait to get back up on top of that mountain.

sweet summer, hurry up!

I am currently sitting in the library trying to get a paper done.
I really can't do school anymore. oh, I just CAN'T.
I know I should be thankful, and actually, I really am for this lovely place, pretty weather, and great education.
OH. BUT SUMMER IS SO CLOSE.
you know the feeling...that almost there, but NOT QUITE YET kind of thing...so lovely and miserable.

I should care about all these papers, books, and tests.
however, I am near the end, and painting and reading real simple sound much better to me!
therefore, i most certainly do not care!
all i care about is rolling around in the green grass, playing outside, and enjoying these last few days with my friends!

There are three papers, one project, five more classes, five exams, eight more showers, sixteen more meals, one more weekend, 192 hours, and 11,520 minutes standing between me and summer. BRING IT ON.

how i love you!

Last night, I went with the other soccer girls to a park on the mountain called Point Park. I had never been there before, but let me tell you, it is quite the cutest little park! One side overlooks Chattanooga, you know, sparkling lights and flashy cars (this non-city girl can't get enough!) and the other side overlooked the mountains. Anyways, we just laid out blankets, ate dinner, prayed, and sang worship songs together as the sun was setting. I love how the simple things are sometimes the most fun.

Last night I realized how much I love the girls on the team. My whole life, growing up, I played competitive soccer, but never really felt like I fit in with the team. why? Well, partly because all the girls had gone to school together since the beginning of time and partly because they were so much better than me in soccer. This is the first team I've been on, where I feel loved. Sure, the girls want me to work hard, do my best, and improve, as a player. BUT. the difference is, that they love me, despite what I can or can't bring to the field. So yeah, I'm still one of the worst players on the team. But I'm beginning to love my teammates. I am so very thankful for their love and encouragement.

As we closed we sang a round of a song that I sang as a kid but had completely forgotten; such simple, sweet words. (and even soccer girls can sing!)

"Jesus, I adore you.
And I lay my life before you.
How I love you."

Oh, Jesus, how i love you!
I am thankful!

loving this camera!

i know i post a million pictures and blogs are for writing, but i like writing and pictures, plus this new camera is just oh so fun! So that's what ya get!

those simple mountain sunsets...

oh hey there.
so. As I was walking up to my room tonight, I happened to glance out the window in the stairwell. It's so funny how often times, I beg the Lord to remind me of His presence. "Jesus, just show me you are real, and here, and I can trust what you say." Then, I expect Him to show up in some, big, fantastic, life-changing way. I think that all too often, I walk right past His simple little "hellos." Silly me.

If I told you that this is the sunset I see out of my window every night would you believe me? yeah, i mean like wow...what a crafty man you are, God! Way to be the craft King.

I'd be lying if I told you that I don't get bogged down with the papers and homework that seem to add up; the people to see and call; the things to do. Oh, but today. today, the sunset is so beautiful. today the grass was cut so it smells great. and today the breeze is so delightful. I just had coffee with my sweet friend Aften on the overlook. And instead of homework, I'm blogging and reading my Bible.

Sorry Dr. Fikkert, some things are just more important anyway!

a vicious love

"Then the lion said -- but I don't know if it spoke -- 'You will have to let me undress you.'I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.

"The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know -- if you've ever picked the scab off a sore place. It hurts like billy -- oh but it is such fun to see it coming away."

"I know exactly what you mean," said Edmund.

"Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off -- just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt -- and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobly-looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me -- I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on -- and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again."

A few weeks ago, we had Carter prayer and praise and during that time, this section of C. S. Lewis' book Voyage of the Dawn Treader, was read, as we discussed the many ways in which God loves us...Growing up, my parents read this book out loud to me, however, I would have never imagined then how much this passage would mean to me now. Later that night, I read over this section of the book again to see what parts I had missed and wrote it down in my journal. This passage is about a boy named Eustice who was turned into a dragon, by Aslan, because of his sin and rebellion. As I reread it to myself, I was reminded of how lately this is how I feel; that God is changing and transforming me through transition and change, through my sin and rebellion, through my lack of trust in him, and through things that sometimes hurt. So many times I catch myself saying "Jesus, why are you hurting me like this? Where are you?" This passage was a perfect reminder that he loves me so much, that at times, my gentle father, has to dig down deep inside of me and tear me down in order to build me up again and make me more like himself. There is so much sin and many struggles in my life, things I'm learning about myself that I'm not particularly proud of, and times when I struggle believing I am truly His child. But through my sin, my struggles, my weakness, he is knocking down my walls, changing my heart, and transforming me into a new creation...as an expression of his love.

We always think of love as this "ooey, gooey, always-feels-good" kind of love. Oh, but what about the tough love? The hurtful love? The vicious love? It doesn't look like Aslan loves Eustice in this passage. Oh, but don't be deceived, he does! In fact, the only way to make him a boy again is to change him from his dragon form. He loves him viciously.

Sure, I'm not a dragon ( and I certainly hope I never am! ) but I saw so much of myself in this passage. I've tried so many times to fix myself; to "peel the beastly stuff off" of myself-the sin and shame, the weakness in me-and yet it isn't until I lay down and let Him tear it away will I be made new.

the best part?
He does this, because he loves me.

a day in the park.

weekend.
beautiful weather.
day in the park.
ECPC students.
happy faces.
perfect.

oh, and did i mention that i was offered the summer internship at ECPC in Atlanta?
i took it.
and i am SO EXCITED.
no, you don't understand.
imagine me excited...
times THREE MILLION.
nervous? yes.
excited? YES.

these are some of the high school students that live there that i got to know over Christmas break on the ski trip. (they were in town visiting a friend in Chatt.) I will be the junior high summer intern, so I'll be working with 6-8th grade girls, but i'm so blessed and excited that i already have some friends close to my age to spend time with when i get there...

even among hurt and brokenness, God keeps reminding me that I am his child and He is going to use me for His glory.
thanking and praising the Lord...
(and jumping around in excitement...as always.)

craft time is my favorite time.

Supplies:
Old magazines.
glue stick.
hot glue gun.
empty tin can.
empty bottle.
wooden frame.
total: $4.

For this one, I just rolled up old magazine pictures and articles. Then I just cut them to meet up and hot glued them to the frame...super easy!

I've always wanted to learn how to make these! So, alas, I finally learned...

For this, I just did the same thing as I did with the frame. I just rolled up old magazine pages, and hot glued them to an empty tin can...tada!

be still, oh weary soul of mine.

There are so many things constantly pulling at my heart; things that grab my attention and fight for my passion as if they are saying to me "I'm what's most important! Love me the most! Live your life for ME!" grades. family. friends at home. new friendships at Covenant. small group girls. soccer team. roommates. professors. boys. papers and tests. the list goes on.

What is God teaching me; what is on my heart right now, you may ask?
Well, I'm most certainly glad you asked and since you did, (whoever you are! )I would be more than happy to share with you a small piece of it...

If you know me, (which I am assuming you do!) you know that there is rarely five minutes in a day in which I am sitting still. And oh, if only you could dive into my brain for a few moments you'd realize that even when my body is momentarily still, my brain is running fast. I don't like to be still and quite frankly, I'm not very good at it. (which, being the perfectionist I am, is probably the main reason I don't try it very often...because perfectionists strongly dislike failing!) Anyways, the past few weeks, I've really began to realize how much my heart LOVES to constantly worship production. It's been a struggle my whole life, however, as most struggles seem to go, it only get's worse as I grow older. While hard work, and responsibility are both great things, I know that my heart LONGS to define myself based on what I can do, how I get it done...the things that I do each day. Oh how silly this is and how often I find myself miserable, because let's face it, being a perfectionist in a BROKEN world is HARD WORK.

If I'm being honest, the past few weeks I have lacked a constant quiet time. So often, I long to love others, to serve students, to be a good roomate, respect my parents, pray for my enemies...these are all things that I hope to accomplish...BY MYSELF?! I find myself so anxious, so worried, so tense because my heart and mind are not wired to Jesus, they are strung on what I can do. So often, lists of "things to get done" or "things out of my control" are constantly running through my mind, rather than praying to Jesus throughout the day. I wake up, scrambling to cross things off my lists, rather than thanking the Lord for a new day and laying my fears and worries at His feet. If I'm not trying to get things done, i'm worrying and finding myself so anxious about certain things going on in my life. I fall asleep, only when my restless mind finally shuts down and allows my weary body to rest...only to wake up the next day to continue the cycle.

I can't even begin to tell you how many times ( and if I did try to explain, you probably wouldn't believe me.) the past few weeks that the Lord has been telling me to STOP working and let Him carry my burdens. me: "I'm sorry, Jesus, but there is no way that I can stop what I'm doing to meet with you...I've got to keep working!" Several times, I became so frustrated (because I KNOW that I am wrong and He is right.) with myself and my lack of my production and trust in Him, that I did stop and fall at the feet of Jesus. But even then, it was such a battle to truly stop and focus my heart and mind on him. As I read my Bible, my feet were constantly moving, ready to quit reading and get back to work. And as I prayed, every fiber of my being longed to "hit the road" and screamed back at me to "get up and get to work!"

I know that this isn't new news. I know that you struggle with this too. and I know that I've struggled with this my whole life and I probably will continue. However, I know that I have to rely on God to overcome these idles that I constantly long to serve. School has always been hard for me and as a result, in my frustration I make grades an idle and long to define myself by overcoming my struggle with school. However, as Lindsay reminded me this week, God is a god of process not result. And the best part is, I can rest in what He's done for me, not what I can do for Him.

Twice the Holy Spirit lead me to the passage of Mary and Martha (once through a school assignment and once while reading a devotional) in Luke 10. Such a beautiful reminder of who I am...constantly anxious and worried about what I can do. And yet, as much as I love being a hard worker, I do desire to be so much more life Mary...able to realize what's lasting and what isn't; and as a result, putting aside the things of the world to sit as Jesus' feet and cling to His every word. I'm beginning to realize that Jesus isn't glorified in my "All As" if they are for ME. If I've neglected to love those around me and love the Lord more than anything, then my good grades are for my glory. And I want them to be for Him. I want the things I do...the people I laugh with, the runs I take, the crafts I make, the school work I turn in, to all be expressions of my love for Him. As if to say "Jesus, I'm doing this, because I LOVE YOU!"

Luke 10:38-42
"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

tacky clothes. silly girls. basketball games.

My top five favorite things about sixth grade girls:

-they are so full of life. always laughing, always smiling...which in turn is such a rewarding friendship to me; because I can't help but laugh and smile with them.
-they teach me new handshakes. awesome.
-it is impossible to do anything without spilling water or some sort of food product. (especially when making giant pizzas.)
-i learn so much from them. even the smallest things...like enjoying friendships and finding joy in little things.

-quiet and calm? i don't understand what those words mean. this, i love.



I'm on an intramural basketball team with some girls on my hall and soccer team. Don't you worry, we are AWFUL. I can't shoot a basketball for the life of me and when I do, I rarely make it. And I'm not much better at defense either. All in all, I'm a REALLY bad basketball player. Nonetheless, I make up for it with my hair-do, Jesus still loves me, and I've enjoyed the sweet sweet fellowship with these ladies!





OH AND ALSO! I thought that with it being a new year and all, I would post a few goals, if you must, for the next year:

-play more than four minutes of a varsity Soccer game.
-pray alone, outloud, everyday.
-learn road names on the mountain. (so that when j high students give me directions to their house, I can get there in less than hour FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE.)
-call home once a week.
-learn to drive in the snow.
-rejoice in the lord ALWAYS.
-own a pair of chacos. (i know, don't hate...)
-encourage my roomates, hallmates, and teamates.
-spend more time, outside church activities, with Junior high students.
-SURVIVE chow. (ha, NOT happening!)
-run the river run!
-get a summer internship job.
-learn to be a gentle person.
-read a children's book once a week...with no children present.