retreats are a good thing.

Last weekend, I traveled "home" to Marietta and went with East Cobb's Middle School youth group on their winter retreat. The weekend was full of games, food, fellowship, and Jesus. (some of my most favorite things!) I loved catching up and spending time with these sweet girls that I love and miss so dearly. I enjoyed great conversations, lots of laughter, (plenty of hilarious quotes for my prayer journal) silly faces, playing outside, and praising Jesus. I am TOO EXCITED to be spending another sumer with these dear friends of mine!

Middle school students are my FAVORITE.

This past weekend, I went with Covenant's RUF large group to the RUF conference at Fall Creek Falls. I had such a wonderful time worshiping my King, making new friends, and spending time relaxing and fellowshipping. On Saturday, we hiked to Fall Creek Falls and then spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying the BEAUTIFUL weather. I am

thankful for the sweet friendships I am making with the students at RUF and the

weekend to rest, relax, and enjoy uplifting company.

i laughed more this weekend than I have in a long time.

thankful.

bind my wandering heart to thee.

I always find myself so surprised when the Lord reminds me that I am far from Him. I'm not quite sure why this is always such a surprise to me, because it seems to happen often. I have always been a wanderer and always will be. My mom tells me stories of my brother chasing me down in stores after I trailed off on my own to different aisles. When I was in elementary school, I remember packing up my backpack and setting off down the street because I wanted to "runaway from home." When I was about ten, I wandered away from my dad on an 11-mile bike trail in Tennessee. (after coming across several "bear crossing" signs, I decided that this whole getting lost thing wasn't so fun anymore!) Ten years later, I still find myself running away and wandering from the people (or person) that loves me most and knows me best.

This semester I have been learning more about sin then I'd ever like to. When I was little, I was taught that sin is "doing something wrong." It's lying, or cheating, or stealing. I have found that sin is so much more than just disobeying. Sin doesn't simply attack me at certain moments throughout the day, it destroys my whole being. It causes me to believe that life and fulfillment can be found a part from Jesus, it teaches me to worship the idols of my heart rather than my King, it creates a longing in me to be loved and affirmed by those around me, it transforms me from a courageous child of God to a fearful and needy orphan. So often I find myself blaming other people and circumstances around me for the fear, struggles, or chaos that I come across...when in reality, it is the fruit of my deeply rooted idolatry.

You see the problem is my HEART. My heart has stolen worship from the Lord and placed it upon myself. My heart loves its idles. My heart has replaced the Kingdom of God for the Kingdom of "me." I always tend to see this, however, I immediately seek to fix the problem by cleaning up the outside of myself. I clean myself up, but ignore the rout of my behavior. I want people to think I "have it all together." I want to fool them that I am perfect, even when my heart is a mess of brokenness and sinful desires. I keep convincing myself that somewhere, somehow I have the answer to my constant wandering. I work hard to stay close to the Lord one week, but find myself failing the next. Why am I so prone to chase other things? Because my heart needs changing everyday.

My external attempts to change have nothing to do with my broken, wandering heart. Again and again, I am reminded of the words of my favorite hymn. I am prone to wander. I will always wander. I will chase other things for the rest of my life. because I am made of sin. Because everyday, I am in desperate need of a new heart. A heart that only He can give me.

And that is the GOOD NEWS. My Father is a warrior king. He will not rest while my heart is held captive to other kings. My God is jealous for my heart. And My Lord is the giver of grace. Grace, I believe is the most powerful weapon in the war for my heart. It is by his mercy that I am able to turn from my sin and seek His face. It is by his goodness that I am able to forsake my idols and serve His Kingdom. And it is by his goodness that my wandering heart keeps coming back to Him.

Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,

Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.