broken windows, ugly hearts, and new mercies.

Lately, I have had quite the ugly heart. I'm not quite exactly sure how to explain what that looks like, but I assure you, it isn't very pretty. Each time my heart gets ugly, I find myself tangled up in a spiral of frustration. How I wish I could be perfect, follow through on my good intentions, love and forgive as I have been loved, and please people 'til I could please them no more.

This weekend was quite the opposite. I found myself completely focussed on myself, rather than others; I found my heart bitter and angry, rather than content and joyful; and most of all, I desired to earn God's grace, rather than rest in His finished work.

Every single morning that I have crawled out of bed this week, the Lord has brought the sweet words of Lamentations to my mind. (I know what your thinking, "oh yeah, that verse about mercies and faithfulness and blah blah blah everyone always talks about that one.) But I can't wrap my head around it. In my sin and in my brokenness; in my messes and fears, I am given NEW mercies each time that the sun rises.

"...His mercies never fail. they are NEW each morning."

This past weekend, my heart expressed itself in many different UGLY ways. And because of this, I have tried to do everything I can to FIX the mistakes I have made. I have obsessed, I have apologized, I have tried to be "extra" perfect, (ha, whatever that means!) I have tortured myself, and begged and begged for forgiveness. However, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't forgive myself for my harsh words, jealous heart, and lack of trust in the Lord. It wasn't until this verse truly sunk into my heart that I was able to rest. I am incapable of being perfect and I do not have to strive for perfection. WHY? because Jesus was perfect and his mercy is NEW each morning. Yesterday I messed up. Today I messed up. and tomorrow, I am certain I.will.mess.up. But I am not bound to the law, for life in Christ is FREEDOM.

...for this is the gospel. His mercies cover my broken windows and ugly hearts of yesterday and He will continue to supply me with sufficient grace and love for my broken windows and ugly hearts of tomorrow. hallelujah!